"Emotional Recycling"
Dating, marriage, and divorce, the illusion, the delusion, and the dissolution. In today's throw
away society, marriage and divorce are far too easily obtainable. Proving once again that what
you get for nothing is good for nothing. And in the case of most marriages, you got far more than
your money's worth.
In some states you can legally get a marriage license before you can get a driver's license...and
with less requirements. Prerequisites for marriage should include a high school diploma, a lease
or mortgage, reliable transportation (this doesn't mean a skateboard with a lawn mower engine)
and the ability of both parties to pass a drug test.
This would give them something to lose from the minute they dip their ignorant toes in the
cesspool of martimonial bliss. It would also no doubt stop so many people from clogging up the
divorce courts just because she woke one morning to discover his middle aged spread had
transformed him from James Bond to James Gandolfini. Or because Mr. fertility couldn't keep
his sweaty little koala bear clenched hands off the bubble headed bleach blonde at the end of the
bar with matching bra size and I.Q.
Divorce should come with mandatory jail time and a fine of half of each person's assets to be
donated to the Hemophilia Foundation. Since some blood sucking divorce attorney from the firm
of 'Vampire, Viper, and Leach' has already bled you bone dry. It's only appropriate that
whatever miniscule drop of dignity you might have left pulsating through your bank account be
used to replinish the next victim.
Before divorcees could remarry, men would be forced to watch an 'Oprah' marathon with a
group of obese, menstruating, irate, lesbians. Women should have a sensor implanted with a
connection to a home speaker. Any time they felt any type of peace or tranquility a voice would
automatically screech "What's wrong? What are you thinking?"
